NAME: Ben
LOCATION: Parrots Bar and Grill, Wellington & Halstead
Are you homeless?No, I'm not homeless actually. No, I'm not. When I first moved to Chicago, my brother thought it would be funny to get this shirt for me because I lived downtown in the dorms at the UC. I don't know if you know where that is.
Wait. Like, the University of Chicago?No, the University Center.
Okay, no, I don't know what that is.I went to Columbia. It's like this gigantic dorm that has DePaul students, Roosevelt students and Columbia students. At the time I went to Columbia. I lived in the dorms and my brother thought it would be funny to get me a bunch of t-shirts - like, random-ass t-shirts, like I got some other funny ones too. But, uh, he thought it'd be funny to get me a whole packet of like random-ass t-shirts that just had funny shit so this shirt's actually from LA! So...
Do you know specifically where it's from?No, I don't. I could call him and ask him. He'd probably know. I think it was some like weird shop in Hollywood or whatever. But, uh, fuckin' A! He sends it to me man and I seriously like open it up and I was like, "I can't wear this here! I'm gonna get my ass kicked!" and he's like, "Just try it out once, just try it out once." And y'know, all right, I wore it, I wore it out when I lived downtown, and this chick comes up to me and she was like, "Are you seriously wearing that?" And I was like, "Yeah." She's like, "You homeless?" I was like, "No, I live - y'know I'm standing in front of a dorm, I'm not homeless."
And she was like, "Has a bum ever threatened you about that?" I was like, "Why would a bum threaten me? It says 'Homeless PRIDE' on it." So I'm like, obviously I've got pride for the homeless! Like, y'know? It was just like this long huge funny conversation with this girl.
And then actually some homeless dude saw me with it on, he got kinda pissed off about it, like, this was where I work, there's a lot of homeless people that like come around. He got kinda pissed and I was just like "Dude." I was like, "Really." I was like, "It says Homeless PRIDE." I was like, "What does PRIDE mean?" He was like, "Oh. You're not making fun of us?" I was like, "No, dude!" I was like, "I'm giving you guys props, dude, for fuckin' livin' on the streets, fuckin' survivin', man!"
And he was just like, "All right, all right. Can I get a cigarette?"
And I was just like, "No!" I only had one on me at the time, dude! I was just like, "No, dude, this is my last one." Like I'd say to any normal bum, y'know, like, "This is my last cigarette, bud."
The basic story is: my brother wanted to give me a ton of funny-ass shit when I moved out to Chicago about four years ago so I've been rocking it for about four years. Man, the Homeless Pride. Gotta love it.
Would you, in a pinch, bum a homeless guy a cigarette, though? If you had more than one?If I had more than one? Well, I didn't do it today. Just 'cause he's a normal bum that comes around and he caused a lot of havoc so I was like, "No." But if it was a nice bum, like I don't know if you know Dorothy? Like she's been around this area like a very very long time. Like I would bum bums I know a cigarette. Yeah. 'Cause dude, I smoke American Spirits, dude, and they're fucking expensive as shit.
And the cigarette tax just went up.Yeah, so. If I was smoking like a Marb Light or a Marb Red yeah, if I had over half a pack left, definitely. Or if they need some change, if I got some change in my pocket, y'know, I'll just throw it down. You gotta have homeless pride. Unless you got under a half a pack of cigs left and no change and just like, twenties and tens. Like, I ain't givin' you fuckin' that shit, man. This city's expensive enough as it is!
